Are you a Busybody/Gossiper?

I'm sure your first thought is a resounding, "NO!!!"  Yet, I wonder if we were to be honest and examine our lives, would we find something different?

Think about it with me for a moment.  How much time do Americans spend on social media sites, checking the latest news, or asking their friends the latest relationship status about someone at the church.

We seem to think that as long as it is not "bad", it's not gossiping.  This verse pretty much puts a nix in our justifications:

1 Timothy 5:13

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

Now, we may not be wandering from house to house these days...but really we are.  We're going right into the lives of all of our FB friends, everyday. We're checking up on so and so, making sure we didn't miss out on any news since we missed church last Sunday.

We have nothing better to do with our "idle" time.  So we go from house to house (Facebook page to Facebook page) and catch up on the latest gossip.

I think this is an epidemic in our world today.  Anytime someone tells me about someone else having cancer or something, it is rare for them to mention how they are praying for them or are actually going to do something for them. Instead, they just mention how sad it is, and was excited to be able to share news that no one else has heard yet.  They're sad for the situation, but not sad enough to take action.

Our news media is just as bad.  Why do I need to know every single person that hadn't yet paid their property taxes?  I'm not so against it being printed (for maybe it will be a deterrent for others), but there are lots of people who literally go through the names just to see if they know anyone!

And don't think I'm talking about lost people here!  I'm talking about "professing Christians."

Yahoo News is something I used to keep up on years ago.  Like I needed to know what the largest cactus in the world was named or what some celebrity couple ate for lunch and I don't even know who they are!

Just imagine if we took this time filling our minds with the Word of God instead of useless information!!  Why are we so fascinated with what everyone else is doing?!

Don't get me wrong.  There are times when we want to know more about someone to learn something from them.  For example, if you wanted to be the President of the U.S. some day, you might study President Obama and past Presidents.  You'd be learning all about the office you could.  In those cases, studying about them is not being a busybody, but someone trying to learn.

But I would bet that most of us aren't doing such.  I go on a Facebook Fast every now and then (and I just started a new one yesterday).  I deactivate my personal account and warn everyone about it in advance so they know why I am no longer on their friend's list.  It never fails: I'll have several messages from those who tell me they hate to see me go because they love seeing pictures of my girls or keeping up with my family.  That's fine and all for my close friends and family, but usually, this is from people who will never talk to me otherwise.  They are following my life via social media, without having to have that personal connection with me.

I was in a restaurant a couple of weeks ago and a lady I used to go to church with turned around and said, "I have some gossip for you."  Then she proceeded to try and get some more dirt on me from one of my friends who's family just went through a divorce.  I knew the hurt this caused the family, and this lady seemed to want to get all the information she could to take it back to her friend that had originally told her the scoop.  Obviously, I didn't tell her, but encouraged her to pray for the family instead.

How many times did you say you were going to pray for someone, only to turn around and mention it to someone else and never pray?  I've been guilty of this!  I'm not talking about sensitive information.  But let's say, someone is going through a public divorce and asks for your prayers, but you forget to pray, but you remember to tell so and so about it because they know her too.  You say, "It's such a sad situation."

What's wrong with this kind of talk?  Can I not casually mention that someone has cancer to someone else?  It depends.  Are you telling them because they really NEED to know, or because you think they'd just want to know?  Are you telling them so they will pray for the other or are you telling them just to have something to talk about?

Now I know what you're thinking.  This is harsh!  God doesn't say we can't mention things to so and so.  As long as I'm not saying a lie or anything "bad", it's not gossip.  Let's see what the Bible has to say about it:

 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."  Ephesians 4:29

The first part of this verse tells you to not be saying anything bad.  Okay, I think as Christians that is obvious.  But the second part is what is difficult. Out of the good communication we have, what we say needs to be EDIFYING, so that it will minister grace unto those we are speaking to.  In other words, if it's not glorifying to God, it's not something that should come out of our mouths.

Now, I know you're looking at me and saying, "That's too harsh!  God doesn't mean we can't talk about the weather or if Sally has a ballgame tonight."  I would say, only the things that are edifying should come out of our mouths. We must be careful to not write off what the Bible says because we don't like it or we think it's too extreme, or go off trying to find a minister who will tell us this verse says what we want it to say.

Talking about the weather and Sally's ballgame CAN be edifying, but it can also not be so.  It depends upon each case.  Are you talking about the weather because you are admiring God's beauty?  Well, don't you think that's edifying?  Are you talking about Sally's ballgame because you want her to learn to be a pro-athlete someday?  That may not be edifying if it's not for honoring God. I can't tell you that.  But I do believe that you know when the Spirit is convicting you, it is pretty easy to decipher what is edifying and what is not.  However, don't think that just because it's not "bad", it's "good." Only that which is edifying is good.  We HAVE to remember that as Christians.

Hover mouse over image to pin to Pinterest

I write this post, not to discourage us.  For, we probably all fall under the categories of a busybody or gossiper at some point.  But sometimes, we are so busy looking at the lives of others, we forget about the beams in our own eyes.

Oh sure, it doesn't seem as bad as going out and robbing a bank, but this type of behavior can be very detrimental to those we are speaking about, those we are prying into their affairs that should be none of our concern, and even to ourselves.  It changes our speech, our outlook, and how we view others.  Instead of looking at Cathy as a hard-worker, now all we can see is the marital problems she is having. Now, we are hurting our witness with others because we can't seem to stop talking about it.  Our speech has changed and now our attitude is becoming more and more negative.  What's worse, we don't even realize it.

I ask you to look into your heart today and think of the things that you say.  I'm the world's worst about putting my foot in my mouth.  I can't stand that "awkward" silence.  My husband tells me silence isn't awkward, but I sure do view that differently.  Instead, I fill the void with the first thing that comes to mind, and sometimes, it's something that didn't need to be said.

Will you join me in working on our hearts and mouths?  Let's be conscious of EVERYTHING that comes out of our mouths this week.  Make it a habit to think before we speak.  Is what we are saying edifying?  Or is it meaningless?  Is it just not "bad" or is it glorifying to God?  Do we really need to know this information? Will knowing information that doesn't pertain to us change our view of the person?

I've even heard of friends/spouses who have a code or hand motion when the other one begins to talk too much or say something that could potentially hurt someone else.  How do you handle this part of your life? Have you ever thought about it?  Do you take certain precautions to control your tongue?  I'd love to hear from you so that you may encourage us all!