Modesty

Usually when the topic of modesty is discussed, it is primarily focused on the woman.  While it is true that typically a man struggles with lust more than a woman, this is not always the case.  Modesty needs to be practiced among ALL Christians, male and female.  I hope that we can offer tips to one another for ways to make our clothes modest and appropriate.


First, I want to get into what modesty is and what the Bible has to say about it.  There's no point in talking about what is modest if we don't have a deep conviction to honor God with the way we dress.  We must make sure that our heart's desire is to be pleasing to God in all areas of our life, and not to the world.  Does this mean we can't dress fashionable?  No, but it does mean that if fashion and modesty conflict, you should easily want to choose what is pleasing your Father over looking "good" to the world.

Merriam Webster defines modesty as:

: the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities

: the quality of behaving and especially dressing in ways that do not attract sexual attention

CloseStyle: MLA APA Chicago

1:  freedom from conceit or vanity

2:  propriety in dress, speech, or conduct

I could do an entire post about conceit, but for this post, we are going to focus upon the 2nd set of both definitions referring to the way we conduct and dress ourselves as godly men and women of God.

To be modest is simple:  dressing and acting in such a way as to bring attention to your countenance as opposed to bringing inappropriate attention to yourself.

I want to start by sharing with you my journey to modesty:

I was raised in a Christian home.  Much of my family wore long skirts and dressed modestly.  However, I was allowed to wear pants, sleeveless tops, and knee length shorts.  Modesty was not a big topic in our home, but often I would hear about modesty from Church and other family members.  I mainly drew my conclusions on what should be modest based off of other Christian women I admired and to with how I wanted to dress (but not with Scripture I am sad to say). 

I would think things like, "I mean surely if Sister So and So wears this, it is okay.  I mean, she's a really godly woman!  She MUST have read the Bible through 50 times already and knows what is okay to wear and what isn't...so instead of studying God's Word for myself, I'll just take her word for it."

I did have conviction about how I dressed.  I think it's natural for Christians to want to dress in a way that does not bring the wrong kind of attention.  I genuinely did not want any sort of sexual attention.  However, there were times, I would want to dress a certain way to get "attention."  In my mind, it was attention to be looked upon as "pretty" or "stylish."  However, I'm sad to say, because of my lack of knowledge of how the opposite sex thinks, looking back, I know there were times I was a stumbling block to my brothers in Christ and exhibited a poor testimony with my clothing to my fellow classmates who were unsaved.

Part of my problem was not being aware of how to dress my particular body.  We all come in all different shapes and sizes, and while one of my friends could wear that cute dress, I now realize, that I can't modestly wear the same thing.  God made each one of us unique.  We must not look at others and base our standard of dress upon them.  Not only are we responsible for the convictions that God lays upon our hearts individually, but we are all different and must dress in a way that is modest for our particular shape.

My goal with this blog post is not to tell you where the line of modesty is, but it's to get you to thinking and praying, asking God what should be modest in your life, so that you may set the proper example for your children.  Might I encourage you, however, to set the line of modesty at least slightly stricter than where you think the line of sin is. 

Often, I will see girls who appear to have a decent length skirt, but when they sit down, I can see CLEAR up their skirt.  Girls, we wonder why our brothers in Christ struggle with pornography and such, but we, even inadvertently, are encouraging them.

Someone who hands another a loaded gun to shoot someone did not actually commit the murder, however, they would be considered an accessory to the murder.  Would we  not think the same.  Maybe the men shouldn't be looking at these images of women, but we are the ones giving them a tease making them want more.

I would also like to point out, this can go both ways.  There are many women in this day and age who are addicted to pornography, a lot of it stemming from wanting to please their spouses or to be what they think their spouse really wants.  This addiction tears families apart, and I encourage you that if you or your spouse struggle with this at all....a first line of measure is to begin to be OVERLY modest in your home, seek out God and godly guidance, and get rid of the internet, magazines, or anything that could even tempt you. 

I will share with you my personal line of modesty, but only as a guide for those who need a starting point.  I encourage each and every one of you to PRAY about how God would want you to dress.  I will also share with you some modesty guidelines that my husband uses.  At the end of the day, we may all disagree on what is appropriate, but I do believe that there are some standards we must all agree upon.

First of all, let me say that I have only recently began wearing skirts.  I do not believe it is a sin for a woman to wear pants.  In fact, I do not wear skirts to be "modest."  I believe there are modest pants out there just as there are immodest skirts.  I began wearing skirts to look more feminine since we live in a culture that makes it difficult to tell the difference between a male and female when you go to the grocery store.  However, I will try to give some modesty views that I have for those who wear pants.

1)  If you wear pants, I think they need to reflect your gender style wise, and not be tight (on either male or female).  I think pants are pretty cut and dry.  The goal is not to draw attention to ANY part of your body.  We should be focused on eachother's faces.  When someone first sees you, your goal should be for them to be drawn to your face first.  Anything tight or form fitting leaves little to the imagination.  The same rule applies for me with my tops.

2)  Okay, so for skirts and shorts....I believe that the thigh should be covered.  I get this belief from Scripture:

Isaiah 47:2-3 says "Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers. Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man."

 

For those of you not familiar with Isaiah 47, this chapter speaks of God's judgment upon Babylon.  Isaiah is speaking of Babylon as a woman who is forced to cross a river and must raise her garment up to keep it from getting wet.  The Bible clearly states that uncovering the thigh is showing your "nakedness." 

Now, I've heard people say, "this is Old Testament."  However, the line of nakedness was discerned in the garden after the sin of Adam and Eve.  Therefore, we should adhere to the same level of modesty that Adam and Eve adhered to when God covered them after walking through the Garden of Eden. 

Exodus 28:42 is a verse that was given as instruction by God for how priests should dress:

"And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach:"

The priests needed to dress in a way to cover their nakedness, which clearly states the thigh should be covered.  For me, when I read some of these verses, I had immediate conviction upon my heart.  I knew that I had to keep my thigh covered.  And for me, it was no longer a matter of "knee length shorts or skirts."  Like I stated earlier, when you sit down in anything knee-length, you will be exposing at least part of your thigh.  There's no way around it.  So for me, everything must be below my knees.

Obviously, both of these verses speak of both men and women, so this rule should apply for both men and women alike. 

My Grandma and Grandpa have displayed modesty for as long as I have known them...both in their outward and inward appearances.

3)  The next line of modesty for me is the neck-line.  This is really subjective.  I think we all agree that showing cleavage is inappropriate.  Men will lust.  However, we also have to be mindful of gaping necklines.  Even though the neckline might be high enough normally, when we bend over, if our neckline is not clinging to our bodies, we will likely be exposing much more than a little cleavage. 

I have heard many women who have rules such as:  "no shirt neck-lines can be lower than two fingers below their collar bone."  I think this is usually a good standard in order to keep from things being shown while bending over. 

However, you need to test this yourself on your own body.  When purchasing a new shirt, try it on in the dressing room and bend over.  If you can see anything, it is DEFINITELY too low!  You either need to put it back on the rack, or find something to wear under it.

A good tip a friend shared with me is wearing their undershirts backwards!  For me, I always have a tank top underneath any shirt that I wear.  When the top has a low neckline, the tank top provides the coverage I need.  Turning a tank top backwards (either getting an undershirt with an iron on tag or cutting the tag yourself) has provided me with a high neck line and no longer worrying about keeping my neck-line pulled up!

4)  Now I want to speak specifically about men.  My husband has always walked around the house without a shirt on.  Now we have young girls and his perspective has changed.  Personally, I can speak for my own personal sin.  I have lusted before due to men not wearing shirts.  Maybe not completely in the same way a man would looking at a woman, but I have had impure thoughts and I know many other girls who have as well.  I encourage your husbands and for your young boys to wear shirts even when working out in the hot sun! 

5)  I don't wear sleeveless tops anymore.  Now, this one was a tough one for me.  I really have a hard time seeing how a guy could lust after my arm pit!  However, my husband had brought it to my attention how many top's sleeve holes are cut down low, often exposing a bra or sometimes worse!

I couldn't believe it.  He was right.  Looking at all of my sleeveless tops:  they did!  I'm sure there are some high cut out there, but then that would be extremely uncomfortable, so for me, I just got rid of them all together.  This was something that I honestly thought was harmless, but in speaking with other men, they had admitted it was an area of lust. 

6)  I no longer wear swimsuits.  Here's my thing with swimsuits:  even if you think it's acceptable to wear shorts half way up your leg, but no higher...why does our modesty change when it comes to swimsuits?  Did God say that we should be pure in all things....except when we go to the pool or beach? 

My rule is, if it's not something I would wear to church (not speaking of style wise, but in terms of modesty), I shouldn't wear it at all.  Period.  That's an easy way for me to determine if its modest or not, even at the beach. 

I do not understand women who would NEVER go out in public in their underwear, but they will go out in "swimsuits" (hey I was one of these women once, so I'm preaching to the choir here).  It is the same amount of clothing, or maybe even less. 

So what does that mean?  Does it mean Christians can't go swimming?  Of course not, but it does mean we need to be modest.  Some of you might think you would look "silly" going to the beach without a "normal" bathing suit, but this is your decision moment.  Who are you trying to please?  Are you trying to please the world by looking "acceptable" in their view, or are you trying to dress in a way that would be pleasing to your Creator? 

There are a couple of  websites that offer modest bathing suits.  You can find these websites here: Simply Modest Swimwear and Wholesome Wear

Simply Modest even offers patterns for you to make your own and does custom swimsuits (including maternity)!  Often they offer coupon codes (usually 20% off) and giveaways, so make sure you like them on Facebook!

The downside?  These swimsuits may seem expensive at first glance.  However, they're not anymore expensive than normal bathing suits (and you get more fabric for your pay)!  I think these swimsuits are worth the investment!  I genuinely think that modesty is an investment that you will see a big return on as you watch the fruit of your children grow by the seeds you have sewn into them from a young age.

I encourage you to pray about God's direction on modesty at the beach, lake, or pool.  I believe that if you can't be modest (whether it's because you can't afford a swimsuit and they don't allow normal clothing where you are swimming you just can't bring yourself to wear anything other than a bathing suit), then it's best to skip the swimming all together.  Is it really that much of a sacrifice in order to be modest and pleasing to Our Lord?

7)  Lastly, I want to speak about your inward modesty.  The clothes we wear are certainly a testament to our inward countenance.  If we are dressed inappropriately, will anyone really look at our heart?  Will they really think we want to serve God?

On the flip side, let me tell you, we can be dressed from head to toe in a brown paper bag and still be immodest on the inside.  We can have impure thoughts or even just have a desire to please the world:

Romans 12:1-2 says "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

We should not only dress modestly, but should have a desire inside of us to try and be as holy as possible....not try and "fit in."  In fact, if we do fit in, we're not being like Jesus.  It's hard.  I want to be accepted.  I want to be liked. 

 I can't stand someone not liking me, but if I'm a people pleaser, I'm not a God pleaser.

I really like Dr. S.M. Davis' audio sermon on modesty.  You can get his 2 cd set here for just $9.00.  I encourage you to listen to it if you're still unsure after prayer about modesty.  Remember, it's always better to err on the side of caution than to dabble with sin.

Do you think it's better when we die for God to tell us we didn't have to do that....we didn't have to dress that modest or we didn't have to go to church EVERY Sunday...as opposed to standing before Him and Him saying that we were in sin? 

I don't want my clothing to be a stumbling block to my fellow brothers in Christ.  I want to honor my husband with my clothing and to respect him in this area of my life. 

I would rather wear a potato sack that covers me from head to toe and be pleasing to my Lord than to wear something that is immodest just so I can "fit in" and be fashionable with the rest of the world.  I pray that I will learn to want to please my God more than pleasing myself or man. 

So, where is your line of modesty?  Where do you pull your line of modesty from Scripture?  Do you have any tips for making clothing more modest?  I would LOVE to hear how God has convicted you in this area of your life and I would REALLY LOVE for you to encourage the rest of us with your tips on being modest everywhere we go!



UPDATE:
I just ran across this video on modesty.  While I am not endorsing everything in the video, and I encourage you to look up the KJV verses,I think this video does a pretty good job and explaining what the Bible says about modesty.  Check it out!